Lecus Koh Luck Khye, 13

School: Victoria School

Topic: Describe how you feel hearing someone close, receiving a heart transplant

Award: High Distinction, Junior Category, 2023

Since having matured, my brother had always come off as a charismatic, jocular person whose presence rejuvenated the souls of those around him. Despite achieving excellence and being seen as a star in the eyes of many, he remained humble; acting as a beacon of hope by encouraging and supporting those whom he held dear, while remaining an exemplary role model, exhibiting values such as perseverance and selflessness. He taught me what was morally and ethically upright, and that success could not be achieved without sacrifice. Hence, I looked up to him and felt profound gratitude towards everything he had done in my growth.

However, life is not all sunshine and rainbows. With times of bliss and ecstasy, hardship and adversity follow close. On one fateful evening, while I was in school, my brother had suffered cardiac arrest. As relatives, family and myself sat outside the waiting room, perturbance and fret accumulated within the group. My parents in particular wore harrowed expressions, appearing disconcerted and restless. I was naive and overly optimistic towards these situations. After all, life has always been smooth-sailing. He will be fine, I thought. I'm sure of it. He’s always remained in the pink of health. Success rates can’t be too low anyways, the odds that results returned turn out fatal are implausible.

Yet, a subtle feeling of anxiety persisted deep within the realms of my consciousness, like a pest that refused to perish. And as fate would have it, a heart transplant was obligatory for my brother to survive congenital heart disease. Gasps and cries of grief resounded perpetually. My mother finally collapsed under the weight of her emotions, and buckled into my father’s arms. Seeing her in such a broken state was gut-wrenching. I had failed to grasp the weight of the situation being a child, and only distressed owing to their reactions.

As the operation began, we gradually collected ourselves. The news had been momentarily perceived disastrously due to emotional fragility and instability from the incident, but we finally settled down. While my mind attempted to process the events that transpired, I pondered: ...What now? How would life be different henceforth? The thought was unnerving. Then, another idea flashed past: Why would life be any different? As long as the procedure was successful, my brother would return to his original state - genial and compassionate. I grew exceedingly positive over the improbable expectations I had, and consoled my family that he would be alright.

The day after, news on my brother’s condition came back positive, and the surgery was a success; a cry of relief for my parents. My brother was forced to proceed with several medical examinations and check-ups, such as x-rays and biopsies. During this period, he was recuperating at a steady rate, but his demeanour had changed. The person who I’d once put on a pedestal seemed despondent. Deteriorating physically and mentally, he wore a woebegone face, eyes void of hope and virtually bathing in despair. Desperate, but ultimately repudiated attempts to rekindle my brother’s former enthusiastic self were made in vain.

Accepting reality, a wave of regret washed over me. I was absent when he had fallen victim to cardiac arrest and helpless in his time of greatest need. I lamented my failure to cherish my moments with him fully, and to be robbed of my brother's original self, thus my heart was filled with bitterness.

Before succumbing to sorrow and self-pity, I recalled the lessons our mother taught us. Gratitude and appreciation for others’ selfless acts is a necessity under any circumstance. The donor’s family had given consent for the deceased individual to have their heart donated, meaning that they prioritised aiding others despite it being their family member’s organ. It also means that in spite of feeling devastated, they remain altruistic and humanitarian to their fellow humans as they understand the feeling of losing a loved one. So if they were able to think of strangers as they mourned, my brother could certainly bounce back from this for our family. Besides, many patients on waiting lists often never receive a heart and ultimately pass away, being given no second lease of life. And even those who have may not live out their fullest lifespan.

Hence, my family and I continued supporting him fervently. Though still downcast after falling behind and receiving limitations in academics and co-curricular activities, he began feeling slightly better. Therapy had also improved his angst, and slowly he returned to his original self.

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2023 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health). To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg