Chloe Tan Wen Ning, 14

School: Singapore Chinese Girls' School

Topic: Describe how you feel hearing someone close, receiving a heart transplant

Award: Merit, Junior Category, 2023

The heart that touched mine

A heart transplant? Does that mean he was about to – die? But how can that be… Pa is so healthy.

It all came so suddenly. The fact that Ma felt like she had to hide this from me made this all the more upsetting. The second I received that phone call from her, begging me to take a flight back home, my heart knew there was something amiss. Throughout the never-ending 10 hours, the claws of worry tugged at my heartstrings, and I struggled to control my hands, which quivered in a neurotic frenzy. I was beyond terrified to greet what awaited me upon my landing. To further aggravate my anxiety, Ma refused to tell me what had happened. The words she left me with were: “Come back soon”.

The minute I got off the plane, I made extreme haste to visit my Pa. News had come that he was well. I rushed to the hospital, anxiety bubbling in my chest. As soon as I caught a glimpse of my father resting peacefully on the hospital bed, I muttered indistinct words of relief, darting towards my Ma. She told me what had happened, and I wept profusely. I had no clue he had heart failure. Holding onto my Pa’s hand, I relished in his smile and the indelible look of vitality on his face. As childish as it may seem, I can only thank my lucky stars that the surgery went successfully.

Despite the procedure being over, I continued to worry. I was still grappling with the idea of nearly losing my Pa. Thoughts of worry continued to plague my mind. What if the surgery doesn’t work in the end? Even if it is successful at this moment, his heart might fail again. What will happen then? Donors aren’t easy to come by, and the transplant surgery is costly. The thought of losing my dad was so unbearable, and it made me feel so small and helpless. What would I do without him? Sometimes, I had nightmarish dreams about it. The grotesque image of him tainted my sleep, as I imagined him lying lifelessly on the operating table, hanging on for that first heartbeat. In the morning, I would wake with cold sweat oozing from my forehead and tears of melancholy trickling down my cheeks. My Pa is already quite old, he does not deserve to go through so much pain.

Feeling overwhelmingly worried for Pa, I decided to talk to one of my friends, who happened to be a doctor. I called her over the phone, expressing my concerns about my father’s post-surgery condition, and whether or not… his surgery would fail. Calmly, she sympathised with my stress and comforted me. She assured me that a large percentage of heart transplant recipients continue to lead normal lives after the transplant. A sigh of relief escaped my tense lips. Even though I know Pa will not live forever, every minute with him counts, and I want to be with him for as long as I can. I even made the decision to move back to Singapore just for him.

A week after the transplant, we met with the donor’s wife for tea. Her cheeks were stained pink, and heavy tears of desolation built up in her eyes. It was undeniable that she had been engulfed with grief at the loss of her husband. Bursting into an uncontrollable gush of tears, we rushed to embrace her at once. My incessant thanking was immeasurable to the gratitude we owed her. Comfortingly, we reassured her that her husband died doing a good deed that will forever be cherished by our family.

He saved Pa. He saved us.

Life for Pa is hopeful now. According to Ma, he had lost his love for life, and spent most of the day in bed before the transplant. Now, seeing him bursting with vigour and exuberance embellishes me with such raw joy. This transplant has done so much for all of us.

After the whole experience, I felt compelled to help with organ donations. Having previously opted out of the Human Organ Transplant Act (HOTA), I felt a newfound inspiration to sign up, and learn more about organ donation in the process. I have seen firsthand how donations can make profound impacts on not just the patient, but their family. If I could have the opportunity to help someone as I have been helped, I would take it in heartbeat and return the favour.

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2023 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health).

To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg