Su Yee Linn, 14

School: Evergreen Secondary School

Topic: Describe how you feel hearing someone close, receiving a heart transplant

Award: Merit, Junior Category, 2023

Without The Pain, There Will Be No Relief

Relief, so much relief. Waves of comfort and solace pooled in my heart, manifesting in the form of torrents of happy tears. My best friend, my one and only partner in crime, to have such a daunting load lifted off her shoulders. It was indeed an extremely liberating feeling. Her joy is my joy - her freedom from the cage of torment that she was trapped in brought about so much ecstasy within me. Despite the fact that I wasn’t the one who was subjected to hours of pain and torture, I recall the desolation I felt, just imagining what she had been through. I felt like a phantom ship every day without her, an empty vessel, simply navigating through the motions of life. The renewal of an anatomical machine that had once troubled her soul... it must have been news that released all the burdens balancing on her back.

Not only did I feel relief, I also felt gratitude. Gratitude towards the doctors who had worked tirelessly to see through the operation. Immense gratitude towards the organ donor family who accomplished the great feat of letting their loved one go and letting them live on in another. They truly were her saviours in her desolate situation, letting her experience the joy of finding hope once more.

My mind harks back to the day I first knew of her heart failure. The feeling still burns bright in my mind, like a newly etched scar on tender skin. I was immensely hurt, but not very surprised. The pain I experienced crossed the bounds of emotional expression, my feelings were completely anaesthetised. I saw the signs. Her increased fatigue and weakness, the struggle in her breathing and her frequently swollen ankles. Of course it was foolish of me to think that because we were still in the springtime of life, we were impenetrable towards such harsh fates. It was not particularly astounding to hear the news, but that did not make the news any easier to bear.

I still recall the day she settled into her home away from home, riddled with so much unfamiliarity. The scent of get well flowers clashing with the pungent antiseptic, cold metal bed rails and the occasional screams of pain filling up the cold hallways. It provided such a stark contrast to the usual warm, vibrant environment she was used to. Everyday, I anticipated a phone call from her, just to hear her voice. No matter how weak or how strong, just by the mere sound of her voice my day would be better by magnitudes. It still pained me deeply when I noticed her usual effervescent self would be dimmed down by the fatigue that plagued her.

Oh how that bitter numbness has metamorphosed beautifully into happy feelings. Could it be called a wretched blessing? Or a beautiful mistake? She had come out so much stronger, with so much tenacity and I was so grateful for that. With the plethora of mishaps that could occur in a heart transplant, and the tolling effects it has on every party involved, the fact that she went through one was tremendously respectable. How ironic it was that not very long ago, our hope for her well-being was like a dimly lit candle, put out by the smallest of winds. Now that flame has grown and grown, into a radiant flame whose heat could be felt from miles away.

And I was so beyond relieved that she wouldn’t have to live with the pain of a burdened heart anymore.

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2023 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health). To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg