Bist Ishita, 14

School: Singapore Chinese Girls' School

Topic: Your organ transplant journey as a teenager

Award: High Distinction, Junior Category, 2024

Happiness Within

The heart is admirable. It is a fragile yet resilient organ. It is our pillar of existence. It is the only organ which we can't live without. We can live, though miserably, without a functional brain, arm, eye, etc. As long as the heart beats, life goes on. Until it doesn't.

It is quite ironic, really. When the news was first broken to me that my heart could no longer act as one, it was the one to skip a beat. It was the one to scare the life out of me. It knew what it was doing to me, but I didn't blame it. It was just extremely tired.

At first, I didn't bother myself with the details of my condition. I thought it was a losing battle, and knowing more about the cause of my ultimate demise would only slow my heart more. My world had come crashing down. Everyone or everything I knew crumbled in front of my very own eyes while I quietly sat on the hospital bed. Life had come to a halt and I just prayed that everything would be okay. I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences. I was preoccupied with endless hospital visits, tests and procedures. People tried to talk to me, making me feel better. It was almost like I could see through their pitiful eyes. Sometimes, I wondered if I deserved what was happening to me. Did I deserve pity? My life wasn't the only one in ruins. My family really cared about me, and it broke me a bit more every day when I saw them talk to me politely as if it could be my last. It shattered my heart. In those moments, they were my only fighting hope. They were the only reason I put on a facade of strength.

I was a rollercoaster of mess. I oscillated between hope and despair, anxiety and acceptance. I experienced all five stages of grief. I feared leaving my loved ones behind, never realising my dreams, and never experiencing the world's beauty. I felt like I was fighting for my life but also felt powerless against the unknown. What was I fighting against?Fate? Was it even worth it? Ultimately, I arrived at acceptance. Acceptance that I may live or I may not. Acceptance that everything would be alright either way.

Then came the power of a singular call, which showered down on me - a matching organ. I was overwhelmed with emotions - relief, gratitude, and disbelief. I was tremendously appreciative of the kind heart that I was about to receive. I didn’t get much time to react and was immediately whipped away.

The transplant surgery was a success, and my journey to recovery began with another heart beating in my body. I felt slightly guilty for the loss of someone’s life but I was eventually able to distinguish between the guilt and the grief. After all, I am an ordinary girl too - was. I realised the selflessness and generosity of the donor and their family, who gave me a chance to live.

Receiving the donated organ was like being given a second chance at life. My whole life looked new to me, as if I was looking through the pure and innocent eyes of a newborn baby. I felt reborn, with a newfound appreciation for every breathing moment. The pure joy in me from the moment my eyes flung open cannot be expressed in words. How all my family members rushed to me with open arms, flowers and gifts in hand. Now that I look back on my heart transplant, I have considered it to be a blessing in disguise. I am where I am because of that journey. I learned to cherish relationships and pursue my dreams. From that moment onwards, I have made sure to live a life worth living. I find happiness in the smallest things and express gratitude towards all that I have. My life is more carefree now; I look after my health but don’t worry about wealth.

The impact on my life was profound. I pursued my passion with renewed energy. I became an advocate for organ donation, sharing my very own story to raise awareness and inspire others to register as donors. I have become a humanitarian, devoting my life to serve for a bigger and better cause. This experience taught me resilience, gratitude, and the value of every moment.

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2024 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health).

To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg