Varshini Arunachalam, 15

School: NUS High School of Mathematics and Science

Topic: An email to encourage a kidney dialysis patient

Award: Senior Category, 2025

You Are Not Alone 

Dear Mr Tan, 

I hope this email finds you in comfort and good spirits. My name is Varshini, and I was one of the students who visited the dialysis centre last week as part of our school’s outreach programme for the community. I truly valued and enjoyed the conversations I had during our time there, but something you said has stayed with me deeply, more than anything else. 

You mentioned that although your family members are all healthy, you feel embarrassed to ask if they would consider donating a kidney to you. At that moment, although your voice was soft, the weight of those words was heavy. I am not sure if I will ever fully grasp or understand what you are going through, but I felt moved to write this email, not as a volunteer or a student trying to get a task done, but as someone who wants you to know that you do not have to carry this burden alone. 

Even during my short visits, I was able to witness how physically and emotionally demanding the procedures for dialysis are. The early mornings, the hours connected to a machine, the strict dietary restrictions, the constant scheduling, and most of all, the fatigue. It seemed more than treatment, but an entire change of lifestyle, one that requires immense amounts of strength and resilience to go through every single day. 

However, what often goes unspoken is how isolating it can feel, especially as if you are fighting alone. There are probably moments when you have smiled for your family, downplayed the toll that treatments take on you, or stayed quiet, all because you didn’t want to worry them. That kind of quiet courage is something I deeply respect, but being strong does not need to mean being silent. Although you’ve fought this battle with great dignity, you deserve the chance to live more freely and fully. 

A kidney transplant would be more than a procedure, and a second chance at a life that is not limited by machines or appointments. Imagine the simple freedom of going on a vacation with your loved ones without scheduling dialysis, enjoying your favourite foods again, or just waking up without a persistent and looming cloud of fatigue. Even though these may seem like small things, to you and your family, they could mean everything.

More importantly, other than benefiting you, a transplant could also benefit your family. When you are well, your family will have you back, physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally. You can be part of birthdays, reunions, and daily routines, without medical constraints lingering in the background. 

At times, it is easy to forget that love also includes the willingness to give, help, and sacrifice, not out of obligation, but out of deep and rooted care. Your family may not yet understand the implications of a transplant and what it could mean, or have fears and misconceptions. However, they deserve the opportunity to learn, just as you deserve the chance to ask. 

Moreover, it is also possible your family members have not offered simply because they are not sure how. Many people are not aware that living kidney donation is safe and well-studied or may assume that you would not accept an offer. Your family members may also be hesitant out of worry, potentially believing they may upset you if they bring it up.

However, silence creates distance. By not speaking up, those close to you may be under the impression that you have already ruled them out, or that you are fine with dialysis in the long-term. By giving them the opportunity to care for and support you, you are not burdening them but allowing them to love you more deeply. 

I also understand that initiating this discussion may feel awkward, painful, or overwhelming. For this, I would like to gently suggest a few ways you could approach it, picturing myself from the perspective of your loved ones. Choosing a quiet and comfortable setting by avoiding moments of stress and distraction, for example, bringing up the topic over a relaxed dinner or during a walk would be really helpful. You can begin with sharing your emotions and explain how you are feeling, or tell them about your fears, for them to empathise with you and understand your situation better. Framing it as a conversation rather than a decision by starting with something like “There’s something important I’ve been holding in, and I’d like to share it with you”, or “This is hard for me to bring up, but I want us to talk about it openly”, would also help them understand your thoughts. 

You might also wish to provide more information, perhaps by sharing a brochure or video from organisations like the National Kidney Foundation, or by asking your doctor to help explain the process. It also helps your loved ones to know that it is generally safe and that all donors will undergo extensive health checks. 

Lastly, and most importantly, you must make space for their feelings and remind them that you are not expecting an immediate answer by allowing them time to think, ask questions, or even decline, without guilt. Moreover, end with love, no matter their decision, and let them know that your bond does not depend on their response, with what mattering most being honesty and trust. 

You might even consider writing a letter first if speaking feels too challenging or emotional. Sometimes, the written words give people time to process with both compassion and clarity. 

Mr Tan, I want to assure you that it is not selfish of you to desire to live fully again. Your life is invaluable, and your health impacts those around you more than you may know. By discussing with your family, you are not asking for a favour but giving your family a chance to help someone they love. Even if the response is negative, you would still have opened a door to your relationship, especially for openness and understanding, and the fact that you feel embarrassed simply shows the depth of your humility. Although it takes immense bravery to tell someone you need them, sometimes, that is when love shines brightest.

Do know that I am rooting for you, and if there is anything I can do, whether helping to find resources, to write the first letter, or to simply listen, I am just an email away. 

Wishing you hope, health, and healing in the days ahead. 

With warmest regards,

Varshini Arunachalam

Student Volunteer

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2025 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health).

To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg