Amelia Tay Juey Oon, 16

School: Raffles Girls' School (Secondary)

Topic: An email to encourage a kidney dialysis patient

Award: Senior Category, 2025

Dear Mr Tan, 

I hope you are well! I wonder if you remember me, Amelia — I volunteered at the National Kidney Foundation Dialysis Centre in Ang Mo Kio last Wednesday. Of all the patients I spoke to that day, our conversation left the deepest impression, not just because of your kindness and warmth, but because of the incredible resilience you’ve shown throughout your life. 

When you shared your life story, growing up with very little, working tirelessly to build your char kway teow stall from a humble stall on the roadside to a thriving hawker business, I realised the true depth of my luck. The way you persevered through setbacks, like being forcibly relocated in the 1980s, and still managed to provide for your family speaks volumes about your strength and determination. 

Even now, after all you’ve been through, your family is still ever present in your mind — in your suffering, you still selflessly worry about being a burden to your loved ones. You mentioned how your type 2 diabetes developed partly because in those early years, you only ate your own char kway teow, mainly carbohydrates and fats, for most meals, and had no time to rest, let alone exercise. Back then, survival was putting food on the table, health was a luxury you couldn’t afford. It’s heartbreaking to think that the very work ethic and thrift that sustained your family took such a toll on you. 

Now, with kidney failure, your life revolves around haemodialysis — three times a week, four hours each session, not even including travel time and recovery, almost half of your waking hours devoted just to staying alive. And the exhaustion afterwards robs you of the rest of your day. You told me how your dream after retirement was to travel with your wife, but even a short trip of a few days is impossible. And diabetes — the fatigue, the schedule, the medical appointments, eats away at you physically and mentally. I could feel your frustration when you told me, “I’m not living; I’m just surviving.” 

When we spoke about transplantation, you admitted you’ve never asked your family to consider donation, that you’re embarrassed and you wish not to seem a burden. You worry if they will inherit your kidney failure too. 

As a third party, I can see that your concern for your family and how they would think have made it difficult to see how it will lift rather than add to their burden, but I do believe it will. 

Firstly, you will regain your time and freedom. No more dialysis means freeing up over 12 hours a week for you and your wife. This time could be spent with your wife, grandchildren, enjoying hobbies or exercising. It also means being able to leave the country for more than 1 or 2 days and fulfilling your dream of traveling with your wife. I have no doubt your family would love to be able to spend time with you outside of your appointments. 

Of course, it would also free up more time for your family. Your son wouldn’t have to drive you to dialysis and appointments, so he could spend more time with his family and on work; your wife would no longer need to accompany you and worry about your appointments.  

Secondly, with a kidney transplant, your health and energy levels will return. Admittedly, you’d still need medications and to go for some check-ups, but there’d be no more post-dialysis crashes or dietary restrictions as severe as those on dialysis. So many transplant recipients say they finally feel “like themselves again”, and I do believe it will be the same for you. Needless to say, seeing you in better health and being able to enjoy life will help relieve your family’s anxiety towards your condition. 

Of course you do not want to burden your family, but they already have one — the pain of watching you suffer. A transplant would let them actively help, rather than feel helpless. You were also worried they might get sick with just one kidney, and I am no doctor, but I trust wholly in the screening regime in place to ensure donors are healthy and that it will be safe for them. Furthermore, your diabetes is not the hereditary kind, and donors will be taught how to maintain their health, in particular for their kidneys, after donating. 

I remember you saying, “If they wanted to donate, they’d have offered”, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Your family may have avoided the topic out of respect or for fear of upsetting you — your son might assume you’d refuse his offer, your wife might not know how to bring it up. If you initiate the conversation, you’re giving them permission to help, and I believe you should give them and yourself a chance. 

I understand broaching the subject is awfully daunting, but an easy first step is just to try starting a conversation without overthinking its trajectory. Perhaps you could invite your family over for a cozy meal after one of your dialysis sessions, share with them how dialysis affects you, and then bring up how a transplant might change things. I trust the conversation will unfold on its own. Whatever it is you finally decide on together, the sharing itself would bring you closer as a family. 

I do hope this doesn’t come across as overstepping. I just felt I should encourage you to give it a try and not deny yourself this chance to improve your life. However you proceed, I’ll be rooting for you! 

Best wishes,

Amelia Tay

Disclaimer: Please note that the views and opinions expressed in the essays for the Live On Festival 2025 are those of the participants and are not endorsed by the National Organ Transplant Unit (Ministry of Health).

To learn more about organ donation and organ transplantation in Singapore, please visit www.liveon.gov.sg